(11-11-04)

 

I wonder what built this wall

Trying new methods, still blocked

With everything I've tried and will

I fail to reinspire myself

Though experiences grow

Though changes alter my life

I remain the uninspired

I remain the lost, the hungry

 

Do these words still entrap you

Has the peak of meaning been reached

Trying to shock the system again

Losing the means to do so

Searching all walks of life around

Hoping for a shred of value

But I remain the uninspired

I remain the lost, the hungry

 

Recollecting what I cherish

Reinstating what I love so much

Mapping out the path I've taken

Understand what lead to this

Now creating something small

Was it what I hoped to be

I remained the uninspired

I remained the lost, the hungry

 

 

 

(11-20-04)

 

Twisting, turning into something

Lash out, scream out names

Anger burning, your heart yurning

You feel scarred, abused in pain

Hating those around you secretly

They inflicted this upon you

Head out for another night of sin

You'll show them you weren't beaten

 

Such a shame, unpolished pearl

So many things to offer this world

So hurt it implodes you severely

Unable to look beyond your walls

Nails broken and bleeding red

Clawing, beating to somehow get out

Knowing full well it means more

So saddened, pain becomes comfort

 

What you're missing was in me

Time to take responsibility in life

Where danger lurks, danger occurs

Where these potential situations lay

Slither til the sun comes up

Like a virus's trail it's obvious

Time to take the stand against

Yourself,  your demonic memories

 

I look back, I do not regret

Some things just weren't meant to be

Tried to befriend you as well

Though attacked, I can forgive

Keep your chin up, eyes open

We won't all hurt your dreams

Hoping the changing day quickens

With every sunrise, comes chance to realize

(11-20-04)

 

From all that we've been through

Doesn't lighten this effect

Seeing for the first time

Wonder what happens next

Enough people kicking me around

Beating me when I was down

Should've shown me love, take the stand

But you cowardly turned your back

 

Feeling betrayed, slain in the back

All those times I stood up for you

Trying to help you see the pride

Now you grow an ego, a great lie

So afraid to make a move to help

Causing an aura of uncertainty

Do they wonder just as I do

Does he really care or just playing

 

The boy ran away and hid in

A time of need for someone who

Protected and stuck up, no matter the cost

Shedding light on who you truly are

Stupid mistakes, silent behavior you lead

When I needed a friend, turned your back

When I needed a brother, walked away

Why did I take you under my wing

 

Now it seems you're talking shit

About how you assume who I am

My likes, your judgments shattering

You better settle this shit now

Already watching my back, I lash out

Bullshit day in, day out, for nothing

I guess you could say I'm hurt

Just another to fuck me though

 

Maybe one day you'll finally understand

Where you went wrong and fucked up

The damage you call your life

The damage you cause by ignorance

Young man of seventeen, my little bro

Now twenty one and we may call this war

I will wash my hands of this

Will not be sucked down by another

 

 

 

(11-26-04)

 

Silently, I crowd in the corner in self defense

Motionless, feeling the thoughts may disappear someday

For every single minute

It feels like ten for me

For every little mockery

It feels like a stab in my heart

 

Why does this contemplative feeling

Destroy every little moment

I push and I pull and I desire

It really doesn't matter at all

 

Bleeding, writing every word as if its prized

Convincing,lying to myself that it's just a game

But I know every minute counts

The urge inside me repeatedly grows

And I know you may have tried

But it's just not enough to stop my world

 

Why does this contemplative feeling

Destroy every little moment

I push and I pull and I desire

It really doesn't matter anyway

 

And I've heard all the lines

And I know you mean them well

It just doesn't change how undesireable

I feel deep in the abyss inside

 

Pondering, wondering if I'm capable enough

To bring you life, the only time I feel alive

Every time you think I'm selfish

I swear I always think of you

Every time you think I'm wrong for you

I beg inside for the strength to change

 

And now this contemplative feeling

Destroyed what little chance I had

I screamed and I cared and I bled and I dared

But it didn't matter anyway