June, 1996

 

I know you've got a beautiful life

I know you're going to cry

But I need to put an end to the pain I'm feeling

So, I'm supposed to take you back

Believe me I want to

But I've got to grab the shield

Sometime. .

 

I can't go back to you
I won't let myself go back to you

I'm too afraid of what you'll do

Yeah it fucking hurts me too

 

Sometime you'll be happy with someone else

I can't play the game

Bouncing back and forth

It'll rip me apart

 

I can't go back to you
I won't let myself go back to you

I'm too afraid of what you'll do

Yeah, it fucking hurts me too

 

I swear I won't fucking run to you

I swear i won't fucking run to you

I want youu, I want you But I can't

 

I can't go back to you

I won't let myself go back to you

I'm too afraid of what you'll do

Yeah, it fucking hurts me too

It fucking hurts

June 13th, 1996

 

I thought I had regretted it

I thought I had more things to live for

There was so much hope in me

But now I lay silent

 

But that was just another phase

I didn't want to be helped

It wouldn't have been so stupid

If no one had interupted

 

I still feel the pain, the sorrow

The confusion, the pressure

The hopelessness yet still hoping

That I'll be happy

I can't see why others don't understand

I feel alone, I feel all deserted

I've got no one to turn to for help

I need someone, I need someone

I really want to feel joy again

If I can't find the joy, I'll find peace

In a world of betrayal, there's only one way

I now see a hope for happines that way

Think that it's all over

You think I won't try again

I have the resistance of iron

But iron isn't the strongest

Do you think I can be helped?

 

I can't look up anymore

I look in the mirror and see sorrow

I try to make her happy

But then she still turns her back

 

I can't stand it, give me the gun

I'll take the entire blame for giving myself a cure

I feel so relaxed to know I'll be happy in my rest

The vigorous actions of others are just not fucking ignorable

My fate isn't to live throughout

I think I'll try again, success is still visually ahead

I've learned from my mistakes, I won't say goodbye

Because then I'll be stopped, no more fucking reaching out

 

The motherfuckin' pain is growing

I feel so fucking worthless

Have I done any fucking good?
I haven't done enough, I can't do enough

I'd rather die than live

With this shitty ass failure

 

Nobody gives a fuck