December 13th, 2003

 

Turning the lights down

Vanilla scenting the air

From the candle burning ahead

Cuddling up and breathing deeply

Memories of distant and near

Everything turning a bit more clear

Did we overeact over nothing?
Why do we feel so relaxed and content?

 

In this place their comments are silent

The day's stress and conflicts unimportant

Our hearts treat us to amazing beauty

Within we begin to feel warmth and desire

Something calm and addicting shining in

Our lives that were plagued from past to recent

Didn't allow this type of beauty before

And it was inside us the entire time

 

Looking into each other's eyes

The room a dark gloom yet gentle

There's something so very different

Not tangeable, but very real and emotional

The warm glow of the candle burning

We reach out and feel the caress and stimulation

Not sexual but so very important and inviting

Don't take this from me, it's all I have left.

December 18th, 2003

 

A long, long time ago

We used to run and play

Our worlds so innocent and naive

Days seemed like months back then

Fighting over our territories

Crashing on the couch late at night

Everything was so simple back then

Little did we know what was to begin

 

Why can't we play forever?

Why must we lose our innocence?

Why do our worlds have to complicate?

Why must we lose our purity?

 

Behind the tough face you see

Is just another kid missing his home

Now we rarely see each other

Life just got too complicated to keep memories

Waking up now 24 years old

Realizing it was a lifetime ago

Maybe once I'll find that childish joy

Even though I barely remember how it feels

 

December 16th, 2003

 

Floating and breating

Wondering where I'm leading

Covering up and not showing

Everything that's changed in me

Hating who I've become inside

World turning to chaos and deception

Spinning out of control finally

It left me hopeless and feeling worthless

What happened to the strength in me

Demolishing the pillars that kept me alive

Losing grip and sinking below

Another world in front of these eyes

The food they give me unknowingly

Not surprising it caught up with me

A demon grown from my own strength

Brutality of a completely new form

 

Face illuminating in the brightness of truth

Finding a home with those who breathe care

Learning not to fuck with temptations

Should've realized that long ago

Falling victim to another dark monster

Black as night, cold as winter

The invisible killer sunk into me quickly

Before I turned around it was already ahead of me

One my one I consume this drink of danger

Hiding behind my own handicap

The sweetness of complete numbness

One more time I control my fears

Opening my eyes luckily before it's too late

Through strength of a simple promise

Taking back the life that is mine

I closed my eyes and let it drop away

December 27th, 2003

 

A long, long time ago

I was told that this mattered

Memories of something cherished

Feelings of elation and worth

Time has long since passed

Telling myself it'll be over soon

Getting by as how I know

Silently hoping this day would come to an end

 

Please grab me by the arm and show me

The world I'm failing to see in front of me

My only regret is not living comfortably

Please take me by the hand and show me

Your love for me I'm too blind to see

Feelings and perceptions numbed by apprehension

 

I'll always still exist inside this world

Though shadowed by egos and confidence

Something I could never compete against

Hanging my head in the shame of who I am

Where did I go wrong some time ago

Failure to complete the task of screaming

When the world has gone too dark

When the world has gotten too lonely to hold on