November 1st, 2003

11-4-03

 

Feeling so cold and unwanted

Touched by the angel I once knew

Wondering if my blood will dry

Will the wounds left by nature heal

Hearing the song we felt passion to

Seeing the art you created for me

Memories of what could've been return

Enveloped into darkness, hiding from truth

 

Broken wings will learn to fly again

Flowers will bloom again in the spring

This heart may now never become free

Tortured or set free by the loss of it's destiny

 

A new day dawns as I see our sun rise

So many times we express ourselves all night

Hoping inside it can somehow be felt again

That somehow it will one day make sense

Why something so filling was taken away

Someone close, my future and life and love

My sanity pushed as far as it can ever go

Completely alone in this pain, it's only for me

 

Broken wings will learn to fly again

Flowers will bloom again in the spring

This heart may now never become free

Tortured or set free by the loss of it's destiny

 

Never will a day go by not feeling sorrow

Always will a day go by wishing it different

In hopes understanding by someone who sees

The severity of how hard it is to lose your soul

 

Completely alone in this pain, it's only for me

Learining to somehow live without my destiny

My baby taken from me without her achievement

Her heart never filled with love and contentment

Please let her know that she became my within

Stiving and trying to believe that I am forgiven

For not taking a risk and not gently coming to her

Feeling empty and silent now, I can only seek surrender

 

11-16-03

 

You know I loved the way

I felt your fingers on my back

Closing your eyes as we lay

Silent away from all the stress

Many don't seem to understand

My views and interests for life and love

There's a lot in my past to be ashamed of

You just accepted my life as it is

Falling in love anyway, you took a chance.

 

The sunrise approaches outside

Rolling over, I realize that I'm alone

Another dream that I couldn't keep

Seems this life has a sense of humor

Staring up and thinking to myself

That I don't see what they see

I roll over and close my eyes again

 

There you are again my dear

I missed you while you were away

Will you stay with me this time

Or will something come up again?

Feeling so good within my small arms

Your mass and heart becoming my prize

I kiss the tears from your tension away

Please don't let me wake up again.

 

11-02-03

 

Distant are the voices once heard

Appearing in my mind as if it never happened

Walking a path of destruction now alone

Even though those memories still remind me

Closing my eyes, not bearing to think any longer

Closing the gap between myself and reality

Losing the hope which pushed me so far

Losing the love that I expressed so free

 

The intesity of the pain not seen by them

Though it's my fault, the hurt grows the same

Sleeping all day and not seeing the sun

Learning to live as the one who doesn't fit in

Wondering what has happened to me?

Is it all self inflicted or even a destiny?

Welcoming death if it may come

Though I will not create the events myself

 

The person you admired and respected

Is now dead and gone, no longer exists

An empty mass of flesh remains today

Could you forgive me for losing touch?

Losing emotions as night turns into day

Day after day the events play out the same

The fake personna seen by those around me

Rarely getting me to talk about how I feel

 

Curled up and silent in the place I call home

My ears ringing from the nothingness I hear

I open the notebook and write once again

Hoping you'll forgive the loss of emotions within

I must end this brief moment of confession

Not enough energy to keep the truth going

Maybe one day I"ll see you again as I was

Maybe I'll never bounce back and die as I am

11-12-03

 

Dead roses in dirty vases

My friends the cockroaches

The feeling of nothing overcomes

What day is it now, I forget

This room seems so big when empty

Could it be it'll never fill

Now the heat is broken again

Trying to erase any left memories

 

Please close the door

It's far to bright outside

Please leave me behind

There's nothing more for you here

 

Blood fills the marble sinks

Cuts heal, but the pain still stings

Dizzy and unwilling to push on

Seems like I've seen this before

Looking in the mirror again

Eyes looking like death itself

Showing the destructive power

Of one's overcoming guilt

 

11-30-03

 

Each day

A new dawn is born

Each night

The last sunset is shown

Death is inevitable

But one can choose to exicute

Knowing their life

Will never be the way they loved it

 

Walking into their rooms

Sitting on the bed for the last time

Looking at pictures of family

The mood bringing an earie gloom

They close their eyes and breath deep

Putting their signature on their last page

Ending the final chapter of an unwritten book

Laying back their hearts make the final beats

 

Who can say what is right or wrong?
The one in pain sees it differently

You and I can't comprehend the feeling

As we only are looking on and not living it

One cannot judge their actions even though

It seems selfish, we sometimes have to "treat" ourselves

Not being able to give others the gift of oneself

Overcome with guilt, they succumb to inevitability