"Drift"

(2/03)

I look to the sun for answers

So lonely and angry

Why do I feel this way

Do I really need to care so much

Am I losing myself to the fields

Cannot see the clearing anymore

All has risen so high

Times do change and they will again

Just hope I haven't lost myself

By the time things could improve

Build a hole inside myself

Where I can sink into

Feel like crying but just too

Tired and not sore if it helps

Anymore to have the feeling

Of contentment of love

So lost inside, can't believe

Worked so hard to get to this place

And it drifts away within a breath

This chill inside me grows to freeze

No longer feel I have a place called home

Maybe I could just drift away

Maybe noone would see the seeds

Blowing away with the wind

Feel ive I've become quite stupid

Is this my surrender to all

A sense of contentment and love

To simply give myself up

And contently blow away

"Unity"

(2-03)

You all came together in unity

Too bad the purpose was against me

Tell me it's for my own good

Funny then, feeling worse than I should

At a time when I need so much care

This unity only brought me dispair

This pain in my heart of betrayal

I guess just another way I fail

This is my life, this is my trash

Had some hope, but that you crash

Shape up that's what you say

Who even cares if I stay

At a time when I need so much care

This unity only brought me dispair

This pain in my heart of betrayal

I guess just another way I fail

I'm in a rut of some kind

Who even cares what I find

People just want me to be

Don't care if it's even me

You want me to conform

Against my beliefs that I perform

My gut is aching for another pain

The pain that I feel I cannot contain

You care more about how you look

Keep playing this scene by the book

Don't care how my life will turn out

Felt this all along, I have no doubt

At a time when I need so much care

This unity only brought me dispair

This pain in my heart of betrayal

I guess just another way I fail

"Intoxicating"

2-03

Drinking my pain

Feeling the effects of it

Lost in this dizziness

Yet I feel nothing is wrong

Smiling for the first time
Letting the music entrap me

Letting myself know, only once

To dive into the depths

Feeling like this is a dream

Barely know it's even

My own hand writing this

Only once I tell myself again

The hole from before

Returns once again

To feel relaxed I must

But only once again

"No Longer"

2-25-03

I'm so sick of your munipulations

Too tired and fatigued to take this anymore

My life's turned black enough now

Added aggresion only leads to more pain

You say I'm hurting you and being selfish

That I no longer care of my actions

You may not know me that well then

You'd rather end this as a war

Cannot take this pain anymore

Stealing the energy I store

Want to give up and plunge deep

And take my final sleep

You've hurt me more than known

I choose to hide the pain I've not shown

Mistaken self esteem for selfishness

I've given up on everything now

Because if you want to ruin it

I no longer have te strength to match

I close my eyes in surrender

Knowing full well of what I may endure

My hear sinks and weeps

I still cannot make myself cry

I've been so strong for so long

This break from trying may kill me

I can no longer fight my life

Failure and misery are inevitable

I've never been as pure as now

I'll take whatever pain I can allow

See my eyes have closed

Too tired to lift anymore

Can't believe I've become weak

But all have their limit

I'll never regret a single moment

I'll never feel shame for what I've said

Fate has it's way of telling one

Have ignored it for far too long

Hopelessly lying on the floor as I write this

No longer hiding, but no longer trying

I'll take what is coming to me

I can only strongly say "never again"

"Beautifully Disturbing"

(2/03)

Consume me as I open my arms

Held out as if a cross, my heart burns

This burden of me may finally be over

As the sky turns to black and the wind gusts

A tear rolls down my face as I

Very calmly look forward

My heart then shatters and breaks like glass

Remains sinking into my stomache

I bend over, gagging from the feeling

The tears erupt much more violently

Unable to turn back, my stubborness

Helps me move into this surrender

Screams are heard for miles

I look to the ground, covered in shame

Can no longer bring my head up in pride

As I fall to the ground, I scream again

I feel this nightmare is finally over