"Sinking Deeper"
(6-6-03)
Sometimes I wonder
What it could have been like
Not growing up like I did
Not being who I am
Lately, I just seem hopeless
Wondering why I keep trying
Yet I can't seem to step back
Though my body wants to give in
Tell me what does all this mean?
Why should I bother with this mess?
What am I moving towards now?
Am I only sinking deeper?
People like me for what I do for them
But very few understand how it is
How it feels when they appreciate it
Not because they're getting
But because I'm giving
I sit staring at the wall, not thinking
Just unable to move a muscle
The crystal has finally shattered
Why do I feel so hopeless?
Who is true and who doesn't care?
Why do i feel like it's "poor me"?
Am I only sinking deeper?
Music's been my only true friend
Never turns it's back on me
Never judges me or asks for favors
Always holds me close when I need it
Penetrates my heart and let's me feel
Not shaming me for who I am
Never making me feel helpless
Always understanding how I feel
Why am I suddenly so angry?
Why do I hate so much now?
Is there a point to this?
Am I sinking deeper?
I lay down holding my covers close
A tear streams down my face
I take a deep breath and hope
I may find the answers tomorrow
