"Star"

8-17-03

The stars in the sky

I imagine myself as high

The illusion of everything good

If I could cure myself, I would

Leaving my morals behind

Some kind of happiness I must find

My heart weeps for the star

In sight, yet it seems so far

Will it accept me for who I am

Letting me caress it softly

Will I be able to stand above

And treat it with respect and love

Somethings in life we may never know

Do you see why it is I need to know

A chance at something bigger and strong

Some place I feel that I belong

As I come around this corner will I

Lose the pain and gain the will to fly

Will I feel like I'm young again

Or still feel like half the man

It seems as I gain life and longing

It's short lived and I find trouble belonging

Somethings in life we may never know

Do you see why it is I need to know

A chance at something bigger and strong

Some place I feel that I belong

"What Is Faith?"

8-11-03

I feel you inside me

Seeing all my crumbs

All the bits and pieces

That make up who I am

As you release your vaccine

I begin to feel the twinges

From my old deadened nerves

That once seemed like dead leaves

As the bells and chimes

Are once again heard and

My heartrate increases and

Blood temperature rises

My pores sweat once again

And my fingers twitch slightly

Something has awoke again

From something so lifeless

My tongue reaches out

Taste buds awaiting attently

For the first taste of sweetness

As your lips press to mine

We reach for something more

Very few can reach far enough

And rarely we run into it

And we then are the rarity

What is faith

Is this faith

I feel your lips on mine

And I have faith

What is faith

Are you fate

I feel the words you speak

And my nerves shiver

I run to the top and hold my arms out

The world can take me now

I surrender to all my insane desires

This is faith, I can feel it

"Dormant Time"

8-12-03

I feel as if everything has changed

So dead inside, yet alive

Why can I not speak

I sit here motionless

Though days of retribution are near

I often find myself anxious

Lurking somewhere inside

Is that obvious strength

Though it is which I cannot find

As the migraine grows stronger

And I lay down on the bed

My mind still strays in the direction

I try so hard not to think about

My stomach grows nauseous

And my eyes strain straight ahead

That which my mind has been focused

Is the direction I wish it to go

Though time is unmeasurable

I wonder what things will be like

I know somehow this will surpass

I cannot bear to think about it

In a time when change is immenent

I suddenly don't feel the need to

Wishing to lay dormant

Exceeding the confines of time

"Hurts To Understand"

8-30-03

You start to look and wandering around

Wondering inside "Does he really love me?"

Trying so hard and often do succeed

As the stars fall over a different world

Feeling the heart of him and smile

Knowing that for you it is worthwhile

As I sit and ponder the thoughts

Feeling as though she's drifted away

Not having contact for some time

Feeling lost and unusually vulnerable

Though the time has not been long

For me, the days keep passing

Patience though continues to linger on

Your working hard through it all

Walking on the cobbelstone to lean

Against the white catherdal-style building

Knowing that the sun is not still shining

In the world he walks and romes

You bloom as he lays down to sleep

Trying so hard to be there for her

Setting aside my doubts and worries

To be strong in another world

As time goes and communication is brief

Laughing and talking of future days

For me, the days keep passing

Each time it hurts more to say goodbye

You slowly notice things arise

Feel him become more reserved and quiet

Had always thought that would be alright

Before standing up and going back to this life

Unable to derail these goals and hopes

You know that he admires this

I lean back in this chair and listen
To nothing or something, it is unclear

Knowing in my heart she's not coming back

Taking a breath to relieve the stomach pain

Head laying back and eyes looking up

Knowing in my heart that things have changed

This is one time it did hurt to understand.